It’s a shame I cannot talk about the process of making today’s artwork and why it was like a visit to the opticians in some respects, but I cannot give the game away. Mind you there are so few people actally looking at this blog – let alone reading it – that it really wouldn’t matter much anyway! What I will say is that I really enjoyed the way today’s piece came together. I will say it is a return to more familiar ground and it me in top form! Ha!
I would talk about the printer but frankly I’m bored with it all and have other things I would rather do. I was going to say I have other fish to fry but you may have thought I was having problems printing because I was using a fish.
I have been in a really low mood today. I do suffer from depression and have been pleased that despite the death of our cat and feeling unwell and a number of other stresses, I have not been attacked by the black dog for quite a while. But this cold/cough/sore throat/flu/sinus/toothache bug or bugs that have been bugging me for weeks had ground me down. I am just so weary at a time when I have lots I want to do and this had made me frustrated. A number of things I try to avoid have got in over the last day or two as well. So all in all it is no surprise that I am down today. Whilst it is a pretty low mood, I do not feel that the black dog has come to stay. He has been sniffing around for a few days and has nudged open the door today to see if he can come to play, but I think I am just physically exhausted and I’m feeling just ordinary low rather than starting to be invaded and inhabited by the alien being of depression.
Anyway, my state meant that I have found it difficult to do much today. I had some correspondence to catch up on, one item of which was in the “usually avoid” territory so was not helpful. The rest was pleasant enough or necessary but I still found it took ages for me to do even after using up all my avoidance strategies! So the day went by without getting to the studio and I ended up really not having the energy or interest to go to the studio this evening. Instead I lit a fire in the Pig Barn (my old studio in the garden) and did something completely different; something I have not done previously in this project; a totally different approach to making images and even though tempted to stick in a bit of tried-and-tested technique I resisted and stayed with the vision and am pleased I did.
Seriously, I am alive. My doctor signed a form for me today to confirm that I am indeed yet to pop my clogs! I know some people may have their suspicions but an experienced medical practitioner has refuted those rumours. He did not, however, cure my virus infection/flu/cold/cough/secondary bacterial infection and whatever. He said it wasn’t worth trying antibiotics since as i was clearly alive and not too ill it would all probably clear up in two or three weeks. It’s been going on for 4 or 5 weeks already. Great!
This one got posted to the sound of wagtails bubbling and swirling about as they come in to roost – and the first drops of rain (that is the first drops of this evening’s rain!)
I have been – well still am – unwell and feeling low. I have occasions when I wonder what I am doing with this project. I am doing a lot of work which if I do not sell it, no one will see. It will all get destroyed if unsold so I will never have it to sell in other ways. But I do have a photographic record (of varying quality) so I can view it as a private sketchbook that I can draw on for ideas. Thinking that way may soften the blow. On the other hand I could just try to sell them as intended – best try to get the on-line sales system set up!
On another note, I am not sure if I have used this post box before. The use of gloves is more to do with my illness than the actual cold.
It is questionable that any politician should appear on a commemorative stamp, but the choice of bloody Maggie Milksnatcher was inevitable if Prime Ministers are the subject. There is no way however that the evil bitch gets space on my art. I toyed with the idea of defacing it but she is not worth the price of a first class stamp.
The thought of the witch and the ire that rises in me has worn me out so I can’t be doing with writing any more now
No221 gets posted (note the classy artists’ fingerless gloves!)
It really hit me today when I was finishing off No221 that I may never see it again. Nobody may ever see it again. I rather liked what I was doing and wanted to share it and get some feedback and move it on with other versions, but I can’t do any of that. In ordinary circumstances if I sell a piece there is a finality to the transaction and I may or may not see the piece again, but then I am settled to it. Not knowing and not being able to talk about it is really weird! Plus I’m only 60%of the way through! And, of course, in the Spring it may all go on the bonfire! It makes me wonder even more about those people who create their work in a vacuum and who don’t share it, expose it, exhibit it and sell it. What a torment that would be!
And it’s not just this aspect of the #Letter365 project that is painful: I have taken on a studio that will be freezing in winter. There was just a sense of it this afternoon. Today was the first time I have worn gloves this season – albeit fingerless ones – but I can imagine that I will be wearing them in the studio soon! More self-inflicted pain!
It’s finally come to this: collaborating with a snail! I have given responsibility for the safe conveyance ofNo220 to a gastropod! How long this snail mail might take is out of my hands, and given these mollusc’s love of eating paper, who knows in what state this piece might arrive if at all!
No220 envelopeSnail mail leaving our home having collected No220No220 on the hornsNo220 about to be eaten?
It’s been a busy day today. I sorted out the final pieces for my forthcoming #Collage365 show at Bridport Arts Centre and took them off to the framers. Then went and bought our second car, mainly for Sally’s commute and round town. And that took up so much of the day that by the time I had done #Letter365 we had ran out of time to get to Paul Newman’s preview evening in Gillingham, about which I am really gutted. And now we are off to meet some friends and say farewell before they move and another friend is coming to stay over. The reason I mention all this is that, when under pressure, all sorts of things pop into my head. I get scared to do the things I think are needed in case I bugger it up and have to start again. When will I learn to just do what my heart tells me?
So the headline continues from yesterday. I wasn’t expecting to get much work done but I had hoped to get more admin-type things done. Of course, this state of normality I seek is a total fiction. It’s what I would ideally like to be the case – especially since I have so many things I want to explore in the studio.
This thing about silence on the envelope: I wonder what proportion of people might connect it to Simon & Garfunkel compared to the proportion who may have thought of John Cage?
I am starting to feel frustrated and stressed that I have not been able to spend a sanity-ensuring amount of time in the studio working on my art and I have documentation and admin to do as well and things keep getting in the way. Grieving, illness, looking for a new car and IT issues are just some of the things that have come to stop me and whilst I am resigned to having to restrict my studio time for the next few days to ensuring I do #Letter365 I am still edgy and unhappy about it. It has become a real necessity for my sanity and wellbeing to work at my art and not being able to spend extended hours absorbed in it is bad for me.
Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to do some of the admin I need to do and on Sunday I am confident that we will see an interesting development in the progress of #Letter365!!! I am pitching for a fresh start on Monday so I can finish setting up the studio and get back to decent spells of time just creating art.
Having said all that, #Letter365 is a life-saver for at least I can insist on the time to do something each day!
An unfolding artwork created a piece each day for a year
