I can’t say any more – and anyway it’s late having been out to see Mark Steel at Bridport Arts Centre – but in this case I think it is an idea that works in many sizes. Sometimes I wonder if I have the skill to make bigger – I mean much, much bigger – versions of ideas I make in small mostly I think it’s a little bit of fear and lack of confidence. What I have wondered is why I stuck as stamp on and posted this to a place I visited an hour or two later!
It’s probably just that I am tired and bored with having to spend time in front of the computer. I have been working on some of the things I need to do in preparation for my exhibitions but what I really wanted to be doing is some art! In fact, when I did get to the studio, everything went so smoothly! I didn’t allow myself to say no when I had the urge to work on a larger piece. I am at that point where I need to just concentrate on my art or I’ll have a meltdown – but I have other stuff I need to do.
Don’t ask about the stuff on the envelope. I was so desperate to get away from the computer I forgot to do the envelope and found myself at the studio naked in the envelope department! So it got done this evening when my interest in computers and keyboards has waned even further.
I sort of had a half idea, a sort of just-about-do idea, for today’s #Letter365 piece when I got to the studio. It wouldn’t take me long to do – ah not long if I cut corners – probably no one will ever see it – but that’s not the point – oh that might take a while and may not work – and actually it’s not that interesting unless I do it in a way that probably needs a different scale and different materials – and that won’t fit in the envelope! So I started again and took it and myself seriously. A little trickier than I intended but it didn’t take much extra effort and I have ended up with a piece to be proud of. Along the way I had some thoughts about the original idea and now have some ideas how I could make it work – it will take quite a bit of trial-and-error experimentation but it may resurface later in the project!
Well that headline is a lie. It’s just trying to add a bit of drama. I spent a decent amount of time at the studio today. I had hoped to do a bit more sorting but really needed to try out working on something much bigger than usual so I can assess the best way to set up the studio. So after sweeping out and cleaning some fo the drawers of my recently acquired plan chest I created a paper work area about 2.8m by 1.2m. I was going to leave it at that point so I could get the #Letter365 piece underway but well…I had to try out something!
There was never any intention that I was going to force such a large (in any case as yet unfinished) piece into the envelope. My #Letter365 artwork today is more modest in scope and somewhat more refined I would say.
For a change I am showing a larger view of the double-mouthed post box I have been using of late. There is also a return to a picture of the back of the envelope:
It’s a shame I cannot talk about the process of making today’s artwork and why it was like a visit to the opticians in some respects, but I cannot give the game away. Mind you there are so few people actally looking at this blog – let alone reading it – that it really wouldn’t matter much anyway! What I will say is that I really enjoyed the way today’s piece came together. I will say it is a return to more familiar ground and it me in top form! Ha!
I would talk about the printer but frankly I’m bored with it all and have other things I would rather do. I was going to say I have other fish to fry but you may have thought I was having problems printing because I was using a fish.
I have been in a really low mood today. I do suffer from depression and have been pleased that despite the death of our cat and feeling unwell and a number of other stresses, I have not been attacked by the black dog for quite a while. But this cold/cough/sore throat/flu/sinus/toothache bug or bugs that have been bugging me for weeks had ground me down. I am just so weary at a time when I have lots I want to do and this had made me frustrated. A number of things I try to avoid have got in over the last day or two as well. So all in all it is no surprise that I am down today. Whilst it is a pretty low mood, I do not feel that the black dog has come to stay. He has been sniffing around for a few days and has nudged open the door today to see if he can come to play, but I think I am just physically exhausted and I’m feeling just ordinary low rather than starting to be invaded and inhabited by the alien being of depression.
Anyway, my state meant that I have found it difficult to do much today. I had some correspondence to catch up on, one item of which was in the “usually avoid” territory so was not helpful. The rest was pleasant enough or necessary but I still found it took ages for me to do even after using up all my avoidance strategies! So the day went by without getting to the studio and I ended up really not having the energy or interest to go to the studio this evening. Instead I lit a fire in the Pig Barn (my old studio in the garden) and did something completely different; something I have not done previously in this project; a totally different approach to making images and even though tempted to stick in a bit of tried-and-tested technique I resisted and stayed with the vision and am pleased I did.
I have been – well still am – unwell and feeling low. I have occasions when I wonder what I am doing with this project. I am doing a lot of work which if I do not sell it, no one will see. It will all get destroyed if unsold so I will never have it to sell in other ways. But I do have a photographic record (of varying quality) so I can view it as a private sketchbook that I can draw on for ideas. Thinking that way may soften the blow. On the other hand I could just try to sell them as intended – best try to get the on-line sales system set up!
On another note, I am not sure if I have used this post box before. The use of gloves is more to do with my illness than the actual cold.
It really hit me today when I was finishing off No221 that I may never see it again. Nobody may ever see it again. I rather liked what I was doing and wanted to share it and get some feedback and move it on with other versions, but I can’t do any of that. In ordinary circumstances if I sell a piece there is a finality to the transaction and I may or may not see the piece again, but then I am settled to it. Not knowing and not being able to talk about it is really weird! Plus I’m only 60%of the way through! And, of course, in the Spring it may all go on the bonfire! It makes me wonder even more about those people who create their work in a vacuum and who don’t share it, expose it, exhibit it and sell it. What a torment that would be!
And it’s not just this aspect of the #Letter365 project that is painful: I have taken on a studio that will be freezing in winter. There was just a sense of it this afternoon. Today was the first time I have worn gloves this season – albeit fingerless ones – but I can imagine that I will be wearing them in the studio soon! More self-inflicted pain!
It’s been a busy day today. I sorted out the final pieces for my forthcoming #Collage365 show at Bridport Arts Centre and took them off to the framers. Then went and bought our second car, mainly for Sally’s commute and round town. And that took up so much of the day that by the time I had done #Letter365 we had ran out of time to get to Paul Newman’s preview evening in Gillingham, about which I am really gutted. And now we are off to meet some friends and say farewell before they move and another friend is coming to stay over. The reason I mention all this is that, when under pressure, all sorts of things pop into my head. I get scared to do the things I think are needed in case I bugger it up and have to start again. When will I learn to just do what my heart tells me?
I thought I would save the price of a stamp and deliver today’s piece by hand. I could have just wandered round to Bridport Arts Centre from the studio but since I was going to The Gravity Drive gig there this evening I thought I would deliver it then – except I left it at home and so had to go back at the end. Jonty was there but refused to pose because he was all sweaty from …from who knows what, so he suggested Ziggy take it, but since she didn’t have the key to the office had to deliver it to Jonty anyway!
The piece itself is quite an unusual one. I had a mind to play around with some particular materials – not specifically for #Letter365 – and remembered how I had used something previously and thought it would work just fine for today’s artwork.